Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
