i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
