im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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