Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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