my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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