Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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