girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
