Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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