pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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