i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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