Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
