I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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