Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
