shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
