someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
