my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
