I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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