god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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