i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
should my penis look like a turkey
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
