The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
