Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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