Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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