Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They took my balls.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
