i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
