There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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