Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
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The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
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I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize