Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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