Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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