Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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