You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
