Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
