Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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