It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
