the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
