i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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