I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
