Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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