The maid of honor just puked.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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