Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
