He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
