If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
