glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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