i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
