His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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