Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
