Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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