So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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