I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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