I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
