I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
