Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
