Pappa wants mamma naked
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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