I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just gift wrapped bread.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
