No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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