It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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