We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
