This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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