Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
