Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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