this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
