why didn't you poke me back
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
