she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
