i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
