my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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