I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
