sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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