So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Duck Duck Cougar?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
