Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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