APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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