is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
