We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm just crazy horny about you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
