very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
