My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think my moral compass just broke
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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