i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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