meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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