At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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